By Arlie MacGregor To love, honour and cherish, easy words to say during a fancy ceremony, but how many people actually think about what it is that theyre saying? How many people commit to living those words? Complacency is one of the biggest enemies of any relationship, and it takes constant effort with both parties to avoid it and stay happily-ever-after. Once an affair has occurred, its far too easy to lay the blame on the guilty party, but in truth, it takes two to tango, or in this case, three. The causes and reasons behind affairs arent always black and white, just different shades of grey. As someone whos been on both sides of the fence, I offer the following suggestions for keeping a healthy relationship going, and preventing an affair from happening in the first place. Communication is key: Its funny, we all know this, and we all swear up and down that we communicate with our significant others, but do we really? Paying someone lip service at the end of the day by asking how work was isnt communication, its merely exchanging pleasantries. Do you still make time to listen to each others hopes, dreams and aspirations? Do you still encourage and support each other, not just by being there, but with verbal and physical demonstrations? Ive often observed couples who claim to have good communication skills, only to see and hear them belittle, ridicule, ignore and undermine each other, none of which promotes a healthy atmosphere. Is it any surprise then, when one spouse finds someone else who will bolster their self esteem? Set aside some time each day thats personal time, for just the two of you. Time without having the kids running underfoot, doing chores, or cooking dinner and make a conscious attempt to really listen to what the other has to say. If you dont make the effort to stay in tune with your partner, you run the risk of growing away and apart from each other, until one day you find yourself sitting across the table from a total stranger who you just happen to be married to. There are a million things you can do to have some quality time with each other, like walking the dog, going for an ice cream cone, or taking in a dinner theatre. Stay spontaneous; share a hobby or common interest. No matter what, keep in mind that this person is supposed to be your best friend, not just furniture with a paycheck. Holidays are important too, even if theyre just a weekend here and there. As the years go by, we lose our definition of being a couple, and instead become parents, partners, co-workers, room mates, anything but the lovers we started out as. Get a babysitter, cajole a relative, do whatever it takes, but get away from the house, the bills and the kids; make time to rediscover and appreciate each other. Mirror, mirror on the wall: Remember when you first started dating your sweetie, and even the first few years of your relationship? Remember spending hours fussing over your hair, picking out just the right clothes, agonizing over that hormonal blossom on your face just before it was time to go out? And why? Because you wanted to be attractive. Unfortunately, as time marches on, this also takes a backseat. Theres a pervasive attitude of I dont need to go through all that anymore because Ive got him/her. You couldnt be more wrong with that train of thought. Physical attraction is just as important 30 years later as it was 30 minutes into the relationship. Granted, pregnancies, genetics and/or illness dont always play in our favour, but theres still no reason for not trying to work with what youve got. As an example, a woman whos kept herself trim, healthy and who tries to look her best might be tempted to look elsewhere if her partner has become a human sloth with a beer belly, 3 days of facial growth and poor hygiene while he watches the tube in his jockey shorts. By the same token, a male whos kept himself in good shape might have a hard time cozying up to someone whos been layering on the pounds as though there were a famine around the corner, keeping her hair in an androgynous crew cut, and competing with him for body hair growth. Its vitally important that through the years, you continue to pay attention to how you look to your partner. Not only will it keep their interest up, itll keep you feeling good about yourself as well. Keep the home fires burning: Nothing will kill a relationship faster than sexual incompatibility or disinterest. While sex isnt the only reason that people step outside their relationships, its a major proponent, and often, the only one thats acknowledged. When we think of our significant other betraying us, the first thing that springs to mind is a lack of control over an overactive libido. It cant be stressed enough that sexual intimacy is crucial in a healthy relationship. Its what makes us feel desired, attractive, and on a physical level, loved. To be denied on a constant basis makes us feel rejected, we take it personally, and that spills over into everyday life. Talking to different couples over the years, Im amazed by the numbers who have put sex on the back burner, something they put up with just to keep their partner happy. You cant be serious, its the middle of the day, and I dont feel like getting dressed all over again or Ive had my kids, I dont need to do THAT anymore or even worse, He knows not to bother me again this month, Ive marked it on the calendar (and yes, I really have heard these and worse). Its these same spouses that cry foul when their honey finds someone who is willing to share themselves, and really, thats what sexual intimacy in a relationship is all about, sharing oneself with another. Its not all about frequency though. It takes a certain level of creativity to keep it from getting stale. One cant possibly do the same thing with the same person for 40 years and still be excited by it. Read up on different techniques, try an unusual setting, introduce a few toys, or splurge on some lingerie. Strive to keep it fresh and interesting. Even revert back once in a while, play at being teens all over again in the backseat of your car on a dark road. There are a million different things you can do to spice things up, and the best part is that are no losers in this game. All too often, marriage becomes not a declaration of love eternal, but one of possession and ownership. One or both partners have ceased making their partner feel cherished, desired, wanted, and loved. Even so, theres a pervasive Okay, maybe I dont pay enough attention to him/her, but no one else can have them cause theyre MINE. However, fidelity and longevity arent things to be assumed, they have to be earned. You have to make the effort to constantly and consistently reaffirm your commitment and devotion to your partner, on all levels. Anything less leaves your relationship vulnerable to erosion and eventual collapse. Arlie MacGregor, 2004 Between The Sheets…The Affordable Adult Alternative http://www.betweenthesheets.net Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Arlie_MacGregor http://EzineArticles.com/?Ounce-of-Prevention&id=25075 valium buy online valium xanax hydrocodone online purchase no prescriptions needed prescription drug valium buy phentermine valium xanax ambien
